Rah Rah

In Time...

2009-03-15T16:37:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been too familiar. I need find someway to get out of this circle that am spinning my time in. Big changes are coming in the future and I know it this time. So how will I recognize which one to take. Spose it doesn't really happen that way no matter how much your expecting them..

Circles

2009-02-15T19:55:00.000-08:00

Soo.. after many months of being hidden, I find myself back here. Feeling down, lonely and basically just lost. I doubt anyone will be reading these words anytime soon, which is fine by me but whatever. This is more self therapy then anything else. I don't even know what it is I want to say. That I have a depression that I have been hiding for years through logic, that I wish I had made some different decisions in the past few years. That I had never listened to what others thought was best. Is it too late to do what I really want to do? Or find who I need to find. I wonder sometimes about people that I use to know..I miss the chat I use to have with them. I miss having someone that I felt I could trust with my thoughts. I haven't had one in a long time. oh well. Off to bed I go for another day to come and go. I don't enjoy this circle much.

Life can throw you curve balls and sometimes they hit you in the face

2007-07-02T07:20:00.000-07:00

OMG, I want to have a complete and utter Tantrum right now.. In my head, I serioulsy and visualizing what I could be destroying right now. I'm sad, mad, angry, and jealous and hurt and annoyed frustrated and AAARRRUUGHHHH!!!!!! I so want to stomp my feet right now or find a way to let it all out and have it be done with so it makes today another regular boring bloody day.
That's not going to happen though, and the most I can do is sit here and type ..

So not to bash men or anything, but they suck..period.. except my dad, and he's dead.
How is it that after spending a month with someone, they don't mention that they are leaving to move half way accross the country in a month! How is that?
I'm so baffled by this news and for some reason it has made me a damn mess. I feel like I'm in HS. How the hell do I take my life and make it like Sarah Jessica Parker when I feel like I have stepped out of an episode of My So-called Life?????

Is it really this hard for everyone??

Today is a very good day :)

2007-06-18T11:08:00.000-07:00

Well! I am going to Areosmith and I am Psyched!!! I have no idea who the other bands are going to be. Word is that The Who will be there, which will ROCK!!! I actually managed to get enough courage to ask a guy I like to the concert. That sort of thing is rare.. very rare. It worked though.. he's coming with.. ;)

Nothing special, everything new

2007-06-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

Wow.. So it's been 8 months since I last wrote in here. Many things have changed, mostly for the better. I have a new best friend now and he follows me everywhere :P His name is Nook and he's half Lab and half Collie. Very big and hyper and a huge ppl lover.
Work is slow lately.. I need something new that will allow me to be outside more. Being stuff in a stuff office all day blows goats! I would love to have more time to just be at the beach and relaxing. Life has come to a bit of a dead halt. I work and go home. It's a circle that has allowed me to keep sanity and in the process grow up quite a bit. I have a new aptment and this time I have commited to living here for a year. It's an awesome place that has been easily made in a home.

2006-08-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

I'm so glad that I have control over mine (For the most part)

Oh, Sweet Sweet Sunday.

2006-08-25T15:11:00.000-07:00

Another day at day camp.
My doesn't hurt but feels like it should.
3 hours left..ugh..
All over again tomorrow.
Can't wait til Sunday.

I have a feeling my worse fear is gonna come true soon. Not that I have full right to fear it. I wish I had the right words to make things happen or not happen as well. I'm starting to feel sick with this feeling. :'(

Day Camp (^&^$&+^%)

2006-08-24T19:42:00.000-07:00

How depressing... This job is starting to feel like the summer day camp that wouldn't fucking end.
Can I swear on here? I don't care!! Ugh!!
I don't know why I get so stressed so easy now. I think I've had people pushing all the right buttons to piss me off and the fact that I'm letting it happen only causes the issues to feel ten fold.

But how do I stop it?

I slept for the better part of the last week. Gotta love when the signs of depression returning set in. Sad thing is I don't want to fix it yet, I just wanna go back to sleep. Even if I did want to, I didin't really fix it last time. I just slept. 8 months. Eventually I evened out. Hopefully it'll be the same way this time.

Life- as of now

2006-07-09T13:18:00.000-07:00

So here I am at my old home again, with my tail between my legs. The past week has been so hard on the head I don't know where to begin with it all.

I've been in a big ass fight with a good friend over words that were taken the wrong way. They are to stubborn to listen to an apology and being an ass in the meantime.
I'm back in Level 2 now and the same issues are arising now as they did 8 months ago.

One best friend is 2 hours away and the other is 20. The two people I have left here don't have a phone so dropping by is a gamble. (They also live 45 minutes away)

Before time's like these work use to be a safe haven. This is no more. Maybe J was right when she said I needed to leave. Maybe Moncton or to NFLD would be a good change of pace. I'll be 25 in less then 2 weeks and I'm nowhere in life. What I do is not even a career, it's a job. One of which I am just one of many expendable faces.

Man, 25, fuck that is depressing. I'm glad though that Kan is gonna be home for my birthday. I have a feeling I'll be needing someone to actually drag me out of my hole.

I wish I wasn't at work at the moment. The summer is so nice. So is the beach. I think I want to go camping for my birthday. I want to enjoy the solitude of the sand,air, fire and of course the water. Perfect place to enjoy all elements.

In more disappointing news I found out that the lot right beside mine is being made into apartment buildings. One thing I always loved about the island was the fact that home was in the country. This ruins it all.

I need to go ponder on all this a bit more.

What way is forward?

2006-04-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

So, as pointed out to me it has been a good while since I have written on here. When I first started this blog it was an attempt to keep my day to day, or if I wasn't able to at least the week to week thoughts in my head. Lately those thoughts have been sporatic and way to confusing for my personal liking. I been feeling like I'm at a stand still. Nothing is moving forward in my life and I hate it. It frustrate's me, and what worse is that the one way I want it to go is at a stand still. I feel like I need a kick. something to smarten me the hell up. Gah.. I hate this.. hopefully the next post will be more positive..

I hear you calling, calling for me out in the night...

2006-02-13T19:47:00.000-08:00

I hear you calling, calling for me out in the night....
Well, well.... Up again...the one thing standing out to me at this very moment is my clock. Time for me has officially changed itself. This will be the third time that I have corrected this clock. I believe it to have a mind of its own. That or this one is correct and the rest of the clocks in this house are wrong. Sure, that's it. The sad thing is this happens all to much lately. Unresolved thoughts floating in my head. That sounds so pretty and butterfly-ish, when what the picture actually looks like in my head is letters scrambled into jumbles, caught in dusty cobwebs. Ugh, I was never an english student, and have never claimed to be. Perhaps, media.... I like the sounds of that better...Someone who just gives the information, instead of someone who 'forms' it first. babble babble babble Ugh, I need to get this as a tattoo perhaps.. Maybe not since someone beat me to it pretty much ..
well, now that it's quarter after five in the morning, I'm not sure whether make coffee or sleep... That's a dumb thought.. both with still be where they are now matter what time I go for which... I think the sleep is calling louder then the coffee though, lol...

bugger...

2006-02-08T18:03:00.000-08:00

Today, I am technically confused. Very excited for this trip. Nervous of travelling that far alone. Depressed that the one I want to be closest to me is seemingly farther away then before, or at all to begin with :S . Bored, from work. I'm all over the place. I don't want to be all over the place. I don't have control over it though. Ugh.. I'll have to finish this later...

Going to Eur-ope! I'm sooo exci-ted!!!! I' singing a so-ng in ma he-ad!!! hehe

2006-02-07T14:47:00.002-08:00

I got word today that when, I go to Germany, I get to go to Rome as well. This is flat out amazing. I never in a million years thought I would ever get to see Europe. I honestly though it would just never happen for me. That I would never have the money, or the time away from work. Just the thought makes me want to go there and never come back. The thought of a brand new start, brand new people, places, sites, things, home, air, EVERYTHING!!!!!!
I have to wonder in the scheme of things if I would actual in all reality enjoy that. In truth, I know I would, but only for a very short time. My dreams of running away to an amazing new place is just that. A dream. The idea of just going and sitting on a mountain right now and not coming down, is pretty good. Not having to look at a mirror... a bill...and annoyed or disapproving face. Ugh... I'm sick of it.. sick of trying to push though and past it.

Anyways, that little speal got depressing real fast...

Back to being happy and in Rome!!!!!!
Sasha said we are going for 2 days and one night. We'd have to stay at a hostel but I don't care. It's going to be a long few days when we head there.. I get off my plain in Munich and we leave that night for Rome... I almost want to just stay awake for it all.. sleep is last on my list for this 2 week period.

2006-02-06T20:31:00.000-08:00

So here it is the end of another long weekend off of work and the count down till the next starts all over again. Got to hang out with some old friends that I haven't see in a long while which was pretty cool. Had some big reliefs and disappointments as well. Gotta do only one thing and put them all behind for the next one's to come along. Tis life!

Have you ever seen Nikki Paine's solution to reduce stress immediatly??? I wanna do that right now..
I could.. I'm alone.. no one's gonna see me... I think it's a wee to Abby McBeal for me...
I'm kinda disappointed on how being on the island doesn't seem to be working for me..it is.. but it's not...
I love it here.. but time's are a changing.. and that is sad..who knows, maybe my mind change again tomorrow...

waiting impatiently for August...

2006-01-16T15:09:00.000-08:00

I feel like shit today. I was happy this morning, and then the more and more I think about it, the more and more I realize I was wrong, feel plain ass stupid for thinking otherwise...
This alone makes me want time to pass faster, er.. my perception of it anyways... I was to the point of thinking there was nothing here for me and then I started to like this person and I started to move up again.. yeah well I'm back down now.. this place has nothing to offer except employment and crappy drama.. I want out... waiting impatiently for August...

North River Fire Dept.

2006-01-08T11:53:00.001-08:00

So, today was a shocker. I woke up this morning to my mother screaming at me to get up. I get upstairs to realize that one of our barns is on fire. I freaked full out. Called 911, and booted my ass outside to try and help. After a couple of minute's I realized that I was going to be more in the way of the firemen, then helpful. I grabbed my camcorder and did what I could do that didn't get in the way-I started taping.

Now while taping and watching these guys bustling around, trying to get equipment out and hooked up and get the water pumping to the fire, I realized something. Or better yet remembered something. I remembered a story my Dad use to tell me when I was a kid. It started off how Cornwall and the surrounding areas were once under the watch of the Charlottetown fire department. This is when my father was younger then I am now, like 20 or 21, and a neighbor in the community had a fire start on their farm. Since the Charlottetown dept. is so far away they had a tragic loss of buildings, animals, and their home. That was when Dad and three of his friends decided to start our fire dept. Today watching the fire all I could think about was that story. I was video taping it to have some record of the events and seeing those guys scrambling to get the fire under control, I couldn't help but think of how proud my dad would have been. All the firemen knew dad, as he was a member of the dept for 38 years. He was so proud of the dept. (absolute pride and joy) and today they were our heros and defendants. This sounds rather gushy, but they are the only words that can really describe how proud I was to watch them. To see how till this day they hold up the thought and passion to help people around our community that are endangered. It takes a hell of a lot of guts to be a fireman and a lot of passion to want to be a fireman.

Nothing Important

2005-12-05T17:14:00.000-08:00

My eyes hurt. These contacts mixed with the lights in this place equal a massive headache. It's a piss off that they turn them on for one person. Everyone else wants them off. my eyes hurt. I really hate this.

So again, I am here and there is nothing new to say. I think if I am able to get money in april, I'm gonna move out. Not only that, but to a nice place! lol
I think I may buy a couch and get rid of my 70's (maybe earlier) furniture. Or buy a new set for Mom and take the Burgundy set... I love them.

stars

2005-11-09T14:24:00.000-08:00

So, it has been a good while since I wrote in here. Not so much is new that I thought it would be worth writing about. I'm still in Levels 2 and I'm still learning. I hang out with Kan and Haven a lot. Had a couple's of drunk nights that are all the same-drunk pandamonium. The more I think about it the more I want to go to Germany in April. This is my new goal. I have a reason and even though it is not the most solid one I'm going to take it and run. I have never been off the continent and I would like to consider myself someday a worldy person. No better time then the present to be able to travel.. I'm young, heathly and it's out there to get. May not have the most money but the would it's self is free. I sleep under the stars if I have to. Maybe there is more for me there then here. Who knows. Here is good but it's the same stail pond I've been floating in for the last 24 years. New language could be good the learn. Have to move comps.

4 years later...

2005-10-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

So it has been 4 years today. I remember the day I got the news and how and wondering what it was going to be like years down the road. Still miss him, as I will always. I went to the Fire dept with my brother the other day and we saw the piece when he was on the show On the road again. Memories... I remember that day, it was awesome. I'm not going to gush about this to much, I just wish it had never happened. This is everthing 4 years later.

Self Analysis Part 1-In Order

2005-10-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess this is going to be my introduction. This is not a project that I have to do for school or work. Simply, my thoughts on myself. I've been thinking randomly about this for a while. About five minute's ago I decided that I was going to put it to written words. I've been thinking alot about, well, myself, not to sound self-centered. Just in how and where exactly I became who I am, and where am I going with it all. Where did my traits come from? Not just genetic traits like eyes and hair, but the traits that were influenced but extrenal sources. Like my personality, my interests, belief system, instincts, and trusts.

I, like many other people have a certain amount of self-awareness and as well a certain amount of self-doubt. I know there are different side side of my personality. I know there are days when I feel my head has 10 different faces. These switch at a whim everyday. I think if I had to be a third party, I might be described as a nice person, helpful and a good listener. There are more descriptive words I could use but I think those get a general point across. These things I know I am. On another side, of which only I know, I would say generally the same thing.
What other's don't know is what goes on in my head. Somedays it is scary. I know I have a dark side, and to a certain point I enjoy and embrace it. Some may call it my generation of dark lyrical music and stress filled angst. Years ago I would have said it was the way of the world. My world. I know have changed ways a good amount. I realized that angst is sad and pathetic. It is the pure art of self massacre; Of pulling ones self down as far as you can possibly handle. I don't regret those days. I think they made me stronger in the long run. I know the thoughts some days are there more then other days. I try to take from them nowadays, rather then letting them take from me. I'll further discuss that in a later chapter. Some may even say I need help from scenearios I have spoken about. I have always made it know that I'm sane enough to never follow through. I'm tending on thinking of this project as me helping myself. For a long time I was caught up in a world that didn't let the world in. When I came out of that state, I think I tried to catch up to fast, hence leaving me in a place where I think I do have to backtrack in order to get ahead.
Well this is going to be the end for the moment.
Much much more to come.

Tonight went to hell in a hand basket.

2005-10-06T20:41:00.000-07:00

I just had a shit ass call from a provider here at work. I have only ever taken like 3 calls from them and this issues was one that I have never ever heard. I will spare anyone reading this and simply state that it was a massive pain in the ass. I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but this call made want a drink hardcore. This was preceeded by an old woman nearly causing us and the car ahead of me a head on collision. Driving back from Tim's at lunch the was one car ahead of me and they started to stop really fast so I had to hit the brake to stop in time not to hit them. Next thing I see if this car on our side of the road driving towards us. She swerves to her side of the road again and pulls up on the front lawn of the Motel that is beside our work. We got out thinking that the person is drunk and it turns out to be this little old woman behind the wheel. She then insisted that both of us were on the wrong side of the road. By this time the first car had pulled a u turn and was there as well. She insisted that all she was doing was going to her WI Meeting.. ugh..

So sad :(

2005-10-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

Well, the new position at work is going better then I initially thought. I am soooo releived. It still has bumps but the people I work with are really good at helping me if I have a question. Other then that I have been living a pretty quiet life. Watching a lot of movies at home because it's cheap. I want this laptopso bad right now. Time isn't passing fast enough.
Everyone that I would normally hang out with during the day has left or is busy with family or work.
I always go get coffee while at work, and I also get coffee for another guy that doesn't have a car. I laughed at him when he asked If I was going today, and I had to tell him I was only going if he was buying. So I got a free coffee today!!! Man My life is getting super ass boring.
This is my sad life with no money.
But I'm gonna get a laptop!!!!!!!!!!!
This alone is my drive.

Trails..

2005-09-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

Well, If I was to bring things up to date. I have literally been doing nothing but working and being at home. I was trying the do the financial part of things this morning and I should be able to be completely out of dept from everything in 2 years. From the student loan that has haunted me for years. The Visa that is to tempting to throw away.. (mostly cause of my mother's shopping gene) And the sweet ass laptop that is going to be mine in 6 weeks and counting. Damn right!!!!!

I fucking sick of these blogger bots coming in and out of here.. Leaving the shitty little message's. So for this blog the comments are going to be disabled.. Fell free to comment to any other place.. It's all trails back down to me somehow.

Originally posted elsewhere!!!!!!!!

2005-09-27T19:10:00.000-07:00

Well, I did... I have a laptop... sort of.... I got a wicked deal from Furture shop.. I won't get it for another month cuz I have to pay the balance on lay away first and then I get it! Yay!!!
It's really nice too... Toshiba!
Things are on a role! I'm loving it!!
I'll have to start looking into some software for it when I get it. They are going to update the security on it and then I'm going to have to get well....a lot of shit for it.. it's going to be sweet...
u know it!!!

Rightie-O

2005-09-20T18:39:00.000-07:00

Well, day three and I'm still learning. We were steady so far tonight and even though that factor sucks, it's also good because otherwise I wouldn't learn. I've never been the best at learning. I tend to have to repeat something numerous time's before it sticks in my head. I wish I could just absorb everything. I'd fix the world if that was the case. Haha That will never happen...
as for new things to write about I have finally decided to go through all of my belonging (As I am a massive pack rat) and get rid of anything I have not used in a long time. This is going to be hard as I have my mother's need to keep everything. I was to declutter my life as much as I can and also try to re-define my own style. I cannot do this with years of rubbish stored away in every crevace in my room. Plus I have stuff that does not even fit in my room. I have 2 bags of clothes that are to be taken to the donation box for clothes. I have to go through them again, because i know there are more that I don't want to lose but are garbage. I also discovered that I shouldn't have to buy another pen or pencil for about 3 years. I found my stash from school and well frankly I won't go through them all before they completely dry up. The weekend I think we are going to remove everything from the basement. We need to have a massive bonfire and burn it all. Maybe I'll have a party when Mom is in Florida and when she come's home it'll be this giddy big surprise. Yay! I burned it all!!! Sometime's being a bit of a hick is a bit fun. I don't care what anyone says, lol!!!

Well, it is only nearing the end of September but I'm getting the feeling again. Halloween is on it's way and I can feel it. For those of you out there in the web, my favorite holiday is halloween. It's not the candy, it's the spook that I love. Anyways, gotta head.

But is it worth it??

2005-09-18T19:56:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't written in forever. It's been a long two weeks... I got back from Cali and started my Level II training. That was a week ago. Tonight is my first night out on my own and I've been stumbling a little and getting hopelessly frustrated at points but I'm confident after a bit I'm going to get this information organized in my head and I'll be ahead of it instead of the other way around. I have a lot of work to do for the photos I've taken this summer.
I'm gonna get a laptop in the next month or to and have it strictly for my work. I want to talk to Kier at somepoint and ask him about a show. I have no idea if he is going to like my work, but I would like to have my own show their if possible within the next year and a half. It's a big time frame but I want to be sure that if i put my work out there that it is my best. I definitly want to see it expand past what I've covered this summer. The winter is going to be a whole new set of images that will hopefully be a unique set of their own.
I found more film that hasn't been developed yet. God only knows what it is of. Also, I need to find a model. Everyone that I know are to scared of the camera. They would never let me do what I want. I'll just have to find someone that wants money.
I also have to speak with a lawyer regarding getting a release form written up. Man, that is going to be soooo expensive. But is it worth it?? That's the question that I need to be asking.
I think it will be and well, if I don't then I would never know.
Well, tonight is going a bit beeter then expected. I, for the most part have bee taking one provider, so that is good. It's allows me to concentrate that much more and absord the information without distraction.
Anyways, This is over for tonight.

My gaze is grappling with gravity....

2005-09-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

It's 3:00 am and I am not going to make it much longer. The trip to Cali spoiled me. Running around all morning after a very energetic and independant 2 year old, I was more then willing to join her for nap time in the afternoon. I soon as Sue or I put her down we all went to our own rooms to wait patiently for the little voice calling out for taller people to come get her.
The hard part is if I do the time conversion, the time I would take my nap would be about the same time I have to head to work on this coast. This take's me back to my 'Need for caffine' routine before work each day. Personally, I perfer the nap.
I wish I didn't have to say goodbye to Olivia and Corbin. Sue notibly pointed out that by the next time I see either of them again could be another year, or even two. I'll like to not have that happen but it's the hard cold reality. I almost started crying in the car, but there was no need to make a mess out of things.
I'm really starting to worry about where my life is heading and what amount of happpiness and true quality it's going to have.
Year's ago, I had someone read my palms (I know, it's not always correct) and she told me that I was not going to be overly happly in my marriage, that I would miscarry the first time I got pregnant, and that I would feel like a had a dead end job and the initials of the man I was going to marry. I do not take any true presidence in these tidbits, but I can honestly say I've never forgotten them. Perhaps because they paint, for the most part, a picture of horror in my mind.
No love, a lost child, and no satifaction from hard work.
Then I think about flighty words like fate and destiny, and wonder if they are there, whipping winds whichever way they wish. Or cause and effect ruling like an iron fist with a steady swing of assurance of what only may happen.
Either way, thing seem to be progressing at such a slow pace right now, I have to wonder if I'm standing still and what in God's name I need to do to start walking.

Dear Julie...

2005-09-06T02:15:00.000-07:00

Hey Hey Julie!
Thanks for letting me know I will give her a ring when I get home.
I thought originally that I would be able to go to that appointment, but I was accepted to the level 2 staff at work so I have to go for training which is suppose to be during the day time. It may be different for me as no one seemed to relize that I was out of the country when they chose the people and setup training. I had to email the training manager to tell him that I couldn't go with the normal training. He said it was ok though, and that we'd work something out when I got back, so once I know that I will let you know.
As for the trip, so far it involves a lot of baby crying, difficulty sleeping because it so freaking hot (As I write this, it's 200am and I am sitting on the floor with the keyboard simply because it is cooler), running after a two year old, Naps in the afternoon because I am so bloody tired running after a two year old all morning and because by then I am so wiped out from my 3 or 4 times of waking up each night because it's so bloody hot!!!! I have yet to go to the Zoo (if we even make it)
The things I have learned this trip are that I hate Chinese Beetles just as much as I hate June Bugs, (They are just as blind and stupid and sticky and they are around all year!!! Uck!!!!) That when baby's smile it's nothing but a product of them trying to push the fart out, after which they cry. The water here is very hard and in turn causing me to want to shave my head it's driving me so batty from my hair feeling extremely dry. I'm going to miss the greasy Mexican place that I've eaten at like four time's already. (Quesadilla's???Gwackamolli??? no clue how to spell these and it's 200am here) That I will probably eat there another 3 or 4 time's before I leave (Taco Fiesta, I'll miss you!)
The surfer's here are just as cute as in the movies (damn!!!) Palm tree's are not as pretty as the tree's at home. The delete key on this keyboard doesn't work...
So yeah, do to the limitaions of babies this trip hasn't really turned out to be much. I'm happy to see my family yes, and I'm tickle pink that my neice can say my name now. (No, Auntie Sarah...... open, Auntie Sarah....... Up, Auntie Sarah...It really cute!! Anyways, I think I'm back to normal body temperature again, so I am going to try and go back to sleep. I got you a shirt, I'll stop by and give it to you when I get home and hopfully this time we can go for coffe.
Later, Sarah

Life is beautiful around the world...

2005-09-03T11:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I suppose this is officially day 2. It is soo gorgeous here, but in it's own way. Far different then from home. I can't help but say that I would pick home over here. Sure it's warm here but home has a bit more life to it, far more lush in the foliage department. None the less I'm going to enjoy. I'm fascinated by the hills. If I lived here it would be hiking trips on the weekends for sure. Anyways, I am going to add more to this blog later. I don't want to keep everyone waiting so I'll jet for now and add the rest of the days events this evening.
****************************
Today was pretty cool. We went to the beaches and it was very nice. I got a lot of good picture which will be posted soon enough on my MSN Myspace whenever I get home. I got some cool things. Nothing spectaculiar. Tonight I went shopping for a few anemities that I needed. I'm going to have to be careful as to what I buy because I do not want to be stuck with to much stuff and not enough room. I think I'll just throw the socks away. I have the worse habbit of holding onto the ugliest old socks (I can't help it, their comfy!) And the underware can go to... who needs them?? I could always attempt the whole where as much as you can scheme...I'd probably die of heat exaustion first though. I think later this week we are going to try and go to the Shakespearian Festival, and of course the Zoo. Still working on Sea World though... we'll have to wait and see... Tomorrow night we're going to a house warming party of my sister's. I actually really don't want to go, so I may just chill for the night. That or we are going to go to some concert in the park, on Coranado Island. Either way it should be all good. Anyways, I have to go to bed. I bought a couple of new CD's, The killer's and ColdPlay.. Mellows tune's to fall asleep to....nice!

Dear annon

2005-09-02T17:56:00.000-07:00

Thanks you for the lovely compliment, and for choosing to spam my blog with your advertisment. It's gone now, as I'm sure you can see. Please don't do it again or they will be gone too.
Sarah

Back in time we go....

2005-09-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

Wow, I've finally made it here and the time difference is seriously throwing me for a loop. It's only ten here and without my normal indulgence of Tim Horton's coffee, I feel like a walking, yawning zombie.
Today's travel's were actually really nice. I few people seemed like they could use a break. I really hate sitting that long too. Tall people are not meant to have the knees squished like that. They need to split the classes from 5'5 and down and 5'6 and up.
Montreal was a pretty easy airport to get around. I struck it lucky and custome's had like one other person going through and that was it, so that was lightening fast. When I got to O'Hara in Chicago, it wasn't quite the same. I would ask someone for the directions to get to terminal one and the would say go to the stairs over there by E2. So I would walk in that direction and do you think my blind eyes saw any stairs??? Exactly...
So after asking the third or forth person, I see this lady come out of nowhere, literally. K, well, not literally but if eyes didn't lie.... It was like Hoggle in the Labyrinth, and how he points out that there are paths that she does not see because Sarah doen't look for them. Freaky...
Anyways, It may be 11:05pm here but my brain is telling me it's 3:05 am, and long past the time that I should hit the sac.
I forgot to mention the best part of this trip. My nephew, is sooooo beautiful!!! I walked out of arrivals and my sister was sitting there with him. I was like ACK!! Give him to me!!! He is so cute and he started to smile. I think he's going to have Strawberry blond hair. I love it!! :D
We got home and I fed him and then later I walked with him till he fell asleep. I though at one point that I was going to catch baby fever, which is pretty scary, but I'm confident, after 8 days of running around after my neice it will be looong gone.
Anyways, it's bed time for me hardcore. Have a Tim's for me will ya?!?!?!;)

2005-08-31T12:50:00.000-07:00

so things are all worked out now. I'm lucky I work with the people I work with. I like it here and I can actually see myself getting places. I may be in the same place on the latter that I have been for a while, but the next pegs on the ladder are starting to appear slowly and all I have to do is step up to them. It's a good feeling. Perhaps I'll elaborate on this more in the future.
I didn't get a lot of sleep tonight. I was up till 4am packing and then I was up and 9 for a dentist appointment. Then I got another hour and a half of sleep and then had to go back to town. Parking is shitty in town, I had to have driven around for 10 minute's before I snuck in a spot.
Hellish, damit, freaking hellish.
Tomorrow is going to be a long day. No sleeping in. I only have 50 minute's in Montreal to get off my plane, get through custome's, security and then find my plane. I hope I make it. I'll have to keep my eyes open and run like shit!! I have never been in either of these airport, or cities for a matter of fact so this is all going to be new, new, new.
Wish me luck!!!!!

My big bang may end up as a big boom.

2005-08-27T11:34:00.000-07:00

&^#&%$#&%$#*^%$!!!!!!!!!I'm so frustrated right now. Getting off this trap is starting to become more of a pain then I ever would have expected. I have to find someone to work my shift the day that I get back. I could lie and say that my plane was delayed. Nah, that wouldn't ...well you know...I'm almost ready to say fuck it, and not bother with it. I really hope comes through for me here. :(

Finish at home!!!!

2005-08-25T21:12:00.000-07:00

Day 10 at Last!!!! The last of 10 at that!!!! That's about the extent of my rhyming abilities, but I'll break out some day! (Dr. Seuss watch out!!)

Anyways, yes, I am in the last 15 minute stretch of my last shift and then I have a whole day off and then back to work for another 7 days.
Gotta go... Took a call and they took all my time

Memory Lane... again...

2005-08-24T17:42:00.000-07:00

Today was a tiny bit of a trip down memory lane. I found a letter from an old friend from after I had known them for about 3 months. This was 8 years ago. It's all intact to. The letter, the art and the picture. Plus the envelope with art of it's own. Pretty sure he'll get a kick out of it if he come's back in a month.
I thought I lost the picture in a move years ago, glad to know I didn't though.
I have one more day of work and then I get a full day off. That is going to be sweet. I've been waiting for this for over a week.
Anyways, I really have nothing all to stimulating to write tonight. I'm gonna surf.

I don't wear a mask and I have no regrets...

2005-08-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

I found a way to steal the sun from the sky.....

It's thundering and lightening out tonight and I want to be outside instead of in here.
It's slow tonight though which is a nice change from the weekend. I'm on day 7 of 10. Ruling concentration is working for me for the most part.
I rarly get this erge to drink, but the thought of my best friend and best drinking buddy Kan coming out this weekend is going to be sweet. I wish I could pull everyone to gether like an episode of the simpsons and just party

Status= Man

2005-08-21T14:47:00.000-07:00

Back yet again at work. Our shared queue has been hellish that past couple days, so I have been working on both my own queue and the shared. Cute guy is here... I think I'm gonna bump the status up to man, because he has a lot more going for him then I knew about. I would go into this in more detail, but I already know that the women reading this will understand it, and that the men will want cheats, lol.. I'm brain dead right now and rambling. I've gotta quit this for tonight.

My eyes don't mind working weekends....

2005-08-20T17:39:00.000-07:00

Damn! It's the weekend and the cute guy is back again! I wish he worked full time here but alas it's only Saturday and Sunday that he is here.
I've spent most of this shift in daydream land, probably looking like a fool, oh well, everyone has their time and place. I was sooo tired today for the first part of work. My first break I ran to Tim's and got coffee for some of the guys here and myself. Since leaving Tim's (and for those who don't know I worked there for four years) I have really noticed the dependancy that I have on caffine. I was practically falling asleep and half a large coffee later I'm totally bright eyed. I always thought that caffine never effected me.. Naive, naive, naive little Sarah. That was pretty stupid!
I keep staring at this guy.. He's gonna think I'm a wacko...lol... I actually noticed him when I was trying to watch the TV across the room. He was sitting in the same line and from the other side of the room it looked like I was looking at him when it was the TV. Could be wrong though...maybe it's backward's.... ;)

I'm on the final count down (and yes the song is playing in my head right now) it going to San Diego. I can't wait!!!! As I've said before I've never been to California and I'm stoked to see my sister and neice again, plus I get to meet my nephew. Anyways, I'm wraping this up.
Cheers!!!

Going Down in History...

2005-08-16T23:29:00.000-07:00

Man, I just realized how much I love my friends. You guys fucking rock! I'm on the first of 10 nights and it is dead as a damn Chucky Movie. I've been looking through some of the pics that I have posted here and they are such awesome memories. This year isn't even over and I can already say that this is probably the best summer I have ever had. Ever.
I've met new friends, caught up with distant friends, and partied with the Men and Women I have known and loved for years. Bonus is that it's not over yet. I hope that I know all of these people when I'm old. I'm sure of it. It'll never be over.

Dreams are free...

2005-08-16T18:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I hate this comp for one. I had an awesome blog typed up and this hunk decided to do a little editing of it's own by freezing and leaving me with nothing.*sigh*
To start fresh again, I took a weekend trip to Fredericton. I had an awesome time. I was actually very relaxing. I love my beach, but getting off the Island altogether for a few days was truely needed. I drove, so in the roughly 8 hours of driving I had a lot of time to think. I initially would have thought that a drive like that is boring when no one is with you, but in recolection is was muchly needed. Thinking of the things on my mind did lead to more unanswered questions. I know I'll eventually find the answers to them all. Perhaps my dreams wil tell me a story tonight

So much for my happy ending....

2005-08-10T13:21:00.000-07:00

I had the most messed up dream last night. It was one of those flashback dreams instead of the made up type. It was a night where Derek and I were fighting about the whole Jehovah thing. We were in bed and all I did for like 4 hours was lay there and cry and try to argue every point I could think of. I hated that night. I hadn't cried that hard since my father died. Not to mention waking up again with that vivid imagery and feeling of knots in my stomach didn't start the day of so great. Have you even been with someone and for so long and have it be so great, and then some day for some reason things change and suddenly you don't have what was so great anymore. It sucks, because you honestly have to wonder if you'll ever have it again. Being a closet romantic isn't easy. I wish I could stick that part of myself in some where that no one ever goes...like the basement.

Time to go home....

2005-08-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

Well, the past few days have been.... rather... lacking in excitment. I wake up bum around the house. Get ready for work, leave for town, have coffee and go to to work, work and then go home. Mom is home tonight so I no longer have the luxury of my own house :.(
I am so cold right now but I can't move, that sucks too. I'm glad that I'm a hoodie addict or my teeth would be chatterin'.
So yeah, life is dull. Hopefully this trip to Fredericton will prove to be of some amusement.
Perhaps, I'll meet a few cool people and get to hear Jamie's cousin's band play a few tune's. I've been wanting to hear them live a for a good while now.
Anyways, like the title says....

Never in my wildest dreams...

2005-08-06T20:57:00.000-07:00

Wow. I though I was over this shit, but it's still here!! You think enough disapointment and disregard would kill a feeling, but it doesn't. It's a real piss off instead. Only because I have to work a for another amount of time on other things to forget it all over again. I was a kid back then and I'm an adult now (In the eyes of the the law alone) I need to back track and find where I crossed the line the first time(If I actually did) Then maybe I can move on to an area where there is room for growth. It's certainly not this very moment. Man, what surprises this year has held. Never in my wildest dreams...

Things on mind....

2005-08-02T19:20:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a smoke since I got to work. Mentally I'm doing good but I've gone though a hell of lot of gum. I'm going to have to by more on my lunch. I'm lovin the Trident Vanilla Mint Plash stuf.. It's yummy!
I'm a bit scared to go to the conveinece store in case I cave and get smoke's.
I pulled three of these fake nails off and one of them hurts like a bitch!It's kinda cool to type again and see my own finger, lol
I'm going to have to save money if I want to go to Fredricton in a week and a half. I think I would be ok with a full tank and 250 dollars. Depends on whether I have a place to stay. If I don't then I'm not going.
I think I'm gonna go for a drive now and listen to some good music.. Of couse as soon as I finish that last sentence my phone rang, damn it!!!
ok 32min and 52 seconds later I fixed the guys problem and am going on lunch.
Wow, I have absolutly nothing productive or truely interesting going on in my life.
I need to get maybe a new hobby. I could start going to the Gym. God knows I need to lose weight.
I could learn how to knit.. that's good and boring...I can make myself different scarfs for the good ol Canadian winter...

I'm so bored right now and I don't want to talk to anyone.. The beginning of the shiftwent fine by my patience is running thin.. I think it's because I only got 5 hours of sleep last night and a nap this afternoon of 1 hour. I wish I could sleep better. I might need to investin a new matress. I'm gonna wait it out though a bit I think.. maybe in thefall I'll get one.
I'm to bored for mindless rambling now. Gonna Cash out.

Starry Sky's and Milky Ways

2005-08-01T21:57:00.000-07:00

eus
well, this weekend was one for the books. I ended up partying at a private club with a shitload of biker's and a bunch of other girls (I was with friends). It was cool. I learned alot in the way of not judging a book by it's cover. The next days I spent trying to get ahold of friends that were down on the Island for the weekend. I thought at one point that I wasn't going to see them, but the heavens prevailed and my wish was granted. I got ahold of them and we made arrangements that I would pick them up and be their sober driver since they were drinking. We were barley able to do this before their cell died and we had no further phone connection. After feeling so relieved that I got ahold of them I went to pick them up, but when I got to the camp ground the old man that could barely speak a damn word of english started tearing a strip off of me for coming so late. Well...I didn't give up. I showed him that I was determined to find my friends and that I was going to go up with or without my car. Finally he told me to go sit in my car and he would get them. I did as he told me and he did as he said. I was so relieved that I hadn't gotten that far only to be let down again.
I took them to the beach that we were suppose to camp at and we chatted for about 4 hours. My friends cousin was a riot to the point I was nearly crying from laughter. I'm pretty sure it was a good time by all.
There was a Toga party at the beach so there were a ton of people there. Drunk, stoned and 'trippin' all over their own feet. Playing music and singing. Wow I know a lot of hippies,lol...I cannot possible describe what the stars looked like. It was so dark and so clear that night.. There were millions of stars out. You could even see all the baby, barely there stars. The milky Way too. It was flat out awing.(sp)
I got to sleep under the stars at the beach and when I woke up.. The sore back that I have had for the past few days was totally gone-it made my morning almost to perfect.
I took everyone in town and grabbed Sasha and Julie and took them back out to the beach.We met up with Jamie and Kyle and had a great afternoon.. They went swimming with an airmattress which was a little amuzing to watch. I stayed on land but got some amazing picture's (to be posted when I get home) Or better yet, just add me to your MSN and check out myspace- lita_69@hotmail.com They are all on there.
Depending on how thinggo there may be more in two weels. We'll see though...

blah

2005-07-28T12:45:00.000-07:00

Ok, this has to stop. Two days now that my lowerback has been sore and I really don't like it. I took two Aleve about 30 mins ago and I hope they lick in soon. I don't want to be taking them every two hours. I'll end up getting spacey and sleepy tonight at work. I don't understand what could have caused it. I'm glad I got coffee before I came to work cuz I just yawned. I know it's from the pain reliever's. I'm hungrey too. I wasn't hungrey all day and then on my way to work I get the hunger feeling. I don't know if Jamie and Kyle are here yet. I didn't hear from him. I imagine that they are just getting settled. Jamie knows that I'm off at 1:30 too..
6 mins before I have to log in.
These nails are getting to long now. Typing is starting to get a bit annoying, lol. Wow This is starting off to be a great day. Nothing catastophic has happened and I still find the insight and energy to complain about mindless, unworldly things. My stomach is going to growl again. I have water in ther fridge.... That keep me from being hungrey till break...hopefully.

Well, I'm on break right now and looking at my phone, there are 18 in the Queue.
Hey Iowa! Don't all call at once, eh??!!

The days ahead...

2005-07-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

Well Jamie, Kyle, Kyle's GF and her friend are coming down tomorrow.
They are planning on camping somewhere for the first couple of nights and then camping at Blooming Point on the last night. Should be fun...

I wish I was in a Clarica commercial right now. Someone behind me to spit the truth out in simple terms. "It's not going to happen. Move on!"
That'd would be nice... But where do I go?
I need to sit and try to meditate my way into a different life cycle.
Change thought patterns that have going the wrong way for far to long.

I can't believe how sore my back is today. It's not sore like crying sore, just annoying always there sore.
Ah well, Tomorrow will be a new day, or so I hope.
I think I need a beer... yeah, I think I do, lol.
I'm gonna wrap this up so I can run out of here as fast as my ass can take me..lol

Ramblings about being ...

2005-07-24T14:46:00.000-07:00

First night back at work in 5 days and nothing has changed. I'm not complaining, though. Whoever said that change is good, could not have meant in every situation.
Tonight is good though. It's looking and feeling positive. I haven't had a smoke since I came in and I'm not buying another pack. I should start a trend buy wearing a anti-smoking patch on all my clothes. That way it will tell people that they can't give me cigarettes.
HA! Like that would ever work!!
I think in order to quit cigarettes, I have to quit all drugs. I've noticed that cigarettes for me compliment other things that I do. If I smoke other things, I want one. If I have coffee I want one. If I eat to much and become full, I want one. Alcohol make's me want them.
I think I just need to cut these things out or manage them better.
Maybe, just maybe I need to stop making so many damn excuses for it and 'Just do it' as the big faceless corporation says.
Maybe that's how they made the decision to use child labor?!?!?! JUST DO IT!!!
In that way, it no longer seems inspiring, just cold and cruel.
Not that I ever took all that much inspiration from Nike to begin with. I've actually hated them for years.
All in all there is not much that you can support without supporting the bad things in the world as well. That is so sad, how it trickles down so far.
3 minutes left on lunch before going back to work for the man.
My queue is full and that does not make me joyous.
***Time Lapse***
I have none in the queue anymore which is great. I have 3 hours left before I have to work tomorrow.
I have all the beer and goodies that I think I'll need for the camping trip this weekend if I go.
Jamie is coming down with Kyle and his girlfriend. I'm not sure if they wanted me to go with them or not??
I'm not off until 1:30 in the morning so they will be nice and drunk by the time I get to the beach.
I need to pop out of this daydreaming faze. Fazing and daydreams have never gotten anyone, anywhere. Mine may get me to the beach, but it'll stop at the Atlantic Ocean.

2005-07-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't exactly been writing to much on this blog lately. I've been trying to get out during this vacation and have a good time. I am getting so sick of some bad attitude's around lately.The summer is making up for it everyday though, it has been so beautiful the last week. It was amazing! I took this pic the other night at Baba's. I was kinda drunk and well, what can I say. I have a fascination with taking pics including light as a major factor. LOL, perhaps someday I'll be good at it too!

2005-07-23T19:06:00.002-07:00

and again...

2005-07-23T19:06:00.001-07:00

Sunset again...

2005-07-23T19:06:00.000-07:00

Sunset!

Strole

2005-07-23T19:04:00.000-07:00

I neat pic of the other walking at the beach

Haven at the Beach!

2005-07-23T19:03:00.000-07:00

Beautiful Boy Haven's first trip to the beach!

2005-07-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

Went to Brackley Beach the other day with friends and it was sooo beautiful. I want a beach house so I don't have to travel so far all the time. Suppose I wouldn't work so well in the winter...As great as it is to be Canadian, there is no escaping winter!!!

2005-07-19T01:06:00.000-07:00

He's so cute!!! I 'lil squished looking but he'll desquish real soon. I think he looks pretty damn good for being less the 24 hrs old!

2005-07-19T00:54:00.000-07:00

Isn't he cute?? This is Haven Soul. Got better pic that I'm going to post

And his name is Corbin....

2005-07-16T22:59:00.000-07:00

Whoo- Hoo!!!!!!!!!! I have a new Nephew!!!
Named: Corbin Alexander Willard Beaton
8 pounds and 12 oz
I haven't even seen him yet, I've just gotten the word but I'm so excited.
I secretly wanted a Nephew since I have a neice already, but the most important part of all is that they are all doing good.
He is healthy and that's all that matters and also that my sister is doing good.
Now that I know he is here I can't wait to get up there.
I'm so excited for this trip and I'm sure from here on out it is going to feel like forever til I get to go up there.
I still have to get my passport application sent off, which I have to tomorrow.
I have tomorrow off!! I just remebered that.. I wonder what the weather is going to be like??? I want to go camping....
Wicked... It going to be nice tomorrow!!!!!!!!
K... That's it... I'm sleeping on the beach tomorrow night!!!!!!!!!

Stange Days in my head....

2005-07-11T21:25:00.000-07:00

well I was not really sure about what to right about. Life is dull and basically the same old, same old. That's good in it's own right though. Nothing bad has happened.
When I was outside for my smoke I was thinking though, about how I wish people could see what I see, and see what I vision at time's. I don't mean understand what I'm think about but actually be able to see what I am visioning in my mind. To see the way I see.
It remind's me of a movie that envision's sucha contraption that allow's for people to do such as that. The movie I'm talking about is Strange Days. A movie definitly worth checking out. The concept behind it I find very futuristic even though if I remember correctly it's setting is for New Year's eve of the year 2000. Just check it out.

I stayed home today which is very odd for me. I usually have such an itch to go to town it's not funny. Today I wanted to, but I didn't want to.

myscreaminglife-Tattoo

2005-07-07T19:34:00.000-07:00

I spilt my own blood to instill in myself the thought of living for every day.
I find my self sitting in the same circle now though, as I did on that day.
So where did it go wrong?
Where did I?

~Sweet Dreams Sarah~

2005-07-05T19:13:00.000-07:00

What a night...It's so freaking busy since eveyone was out last night in the states.
I wanna go home I am so tired.. I'm yawning in the middle of sentence's. I had to take my last break to get a coffee or I don't think I would make the last hour.
Ever have it so that your eyes water, cuz your so tired? That's me right now :(
K, well I have 2 minute's left and I'm going home to check messanger and go to bed

Wishing harder then ever before...

2005-07-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

This has been edited for eyes****

2005-06-27T23:16:00.000-07:00

This is a test. It's also me!

My last week

2005-06-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

Well, It's been a long time since I last posted. I've been pretty busy the last little while with just enjoying life. I went camping with friends the other night and it was great. Met some really drunks natives which was really odd. Never again and I driving people that drunk that I don't know. My buddy Chris's sister Stacy was with me which was cool, cuz I would have hated going alone.
I'm almost out of money which is going to suck cuz I have Jamie coming down. My student loan is due and I won't have the money for it which sucks!!!
I'll have to figure something out...
I went swimming the other day, (well, a dip) and it was so nice. I want to go swimming again real soon.
I've told a lot of people that Jamie is coming down which I regret now. I should have though before hand because even as excited as I am, I have a feeling he's not going to make it. I haven't heard anything from him saying that he is making to many plans. Oh well, won't know till he is here, or not here.

I got a crazy burn one day when I was walking on the beach. Chris wanted to go to Tracadie from Blooming Point. I was in crazy pain that night. What's even worse is that I was wearing a Tshirt so I have a farmer's tan. :(
I've met a few cool new people over the past couple week's. Hopefully I'll get to hang out with them a bit more over the summer and maybe make some cool friends.
These are just some random thoughts from the past few days.
This summer is going to be a good one. I want to try and document as much as I can.
It will help as soon as I figure out how to use the Hello program too! The I'll have pics on here.

The Boss Man

2005-06-22T21:17:00.000-07:00

I think I have an emotion on my mind that has been playing a huge role in a lot of things that I have seen and heard about in the last week. So many people that I know are having to deal with acceptance. I have two friends that are not together that just had the most beautiful baby boy. Learning to accept the new life in their lives and the new things that it will twist in their lives. I have friends that are dealing with death right at the moment. Having them be able to accept the things they cannot change. I feel bad that I am not able to share my insight with them. I know what it's like to lose someone very close and to finally fully understand the 'Circle of Life' is a mind blowing thought. When I was first going through this I had to remember a saying that my father had pointed out when he was still alive.
1) Don't sweat the small things (And when you break it down eveything is small)
(Note: Obviously not his quote, but he lived by it)
2) Remember who you are!! ( I heard this everyday as I left the house)
I suppose these really do not fit so well into the aspect of acceptance that I'm meaning to speak of but I they remind me of him.
I really do think that acceptance is very key in living with sanity and peace.
I'm so much better speaking about this in real time. I suppose what I'm wanting to spit out is acceptance is not giving up in life. It's understanding evolution and nature. It's growing as a person and knowing and recognizing all the emotions that you never new you could have until you have them. Then learning to take that deep breath and move on.
I'm losing track of where I wanted this to go in my head. If I figure it out more then I will write this over perhaps.

Welcome to the world, Haven Soul!!!!!!!

2005-06-21T18:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I have to state that I am very happy today. I have a new godson. Sort of ... neither the parent's or I are really all that religious, so it's very unofficial.
He is beautiful though and he is so quiet and sleepy. Doesn't cry, just make face's evey once in a while.
His father said that he was dreaming, but I have to wonder what you would dream aboutif you know nothing but sitting in one womb for all of your 9 month pre-exsistance???
If he could talk right now I have to wonder what he would say as all he does is sleep.Is he really that tired?
Oh well, not complaining.
I'll add more to this later

Granola-eating, computer geeks...

2005-06-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

New day...nothing new. I'm beginning to find this a bit repedative. I can't spell. I hate that. I need a new computer.. I want a laptop though...a nice pretty one...isn't that what it's all about.
I was talking with a friend today and we were watching the different men go by and we were laughing at what we found attractive in a guy. She made me laugh when we came to the conclusion about granola-eating, computer geeks. They are far better then the GQ's...I started this post 5 hours ago...I wish I had pj's and a butterfly chair here at work...that would be wicked... k, I'm obviously blabbering about shit all so I'm going to stop. Post a comment if you have a topic I can gab about.

Twitch!

2005-06-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

Woo- Hoo!! I got a new cell... my old one sucked and I hated the company that I had it with. Hopefully I won't hate this new company as much- If at all. I can't figure out yet how to add the voice mail... That will be my mission during the lunch hour. I'm going to leave my old one on I think till the end of the month so I don't miss if Kan goes. She went to the doc today and he said she wasn't even dialated any... Poor girl, she looked like she wanted to cry. I think she is just getting to anxious for her own good.
Man Last night I had this call, and I wanted to cry.. My eye even started twitching!!!! To finsh off this blog because I didn't ....I just wanted to add that I have nothing more to say. ;)

Yeah...Thanks... (For giving me a reason to be Sarcastic in this Title)

2005-06-14T15:25:00.000-07:00

Hey Hey!
Well I have been on another little vacation and it was great. I'm back at work and I get to go straight for the next 5 days. I can't really complain so I'm going to try not to. I will be trying to speak everyday of a new reason to quit smoking.
My first reason.. and this is very superficial I know. I got gel nails the other day, and frankly I don't want them to be yellowed from smoke.. Same with my teeth... yuck!!!
I know how gross it looks on other people and I always hated that. I know mine will looks the same way at some point if I don't stop.
I want to start singing again. My voice is royally fucked from all the damage. Well maybe I'm exagerating a little, but I know I can't sing the way I use to. I'm hoping to train my voice back or at least close to my old range. I sang the other night for the first time in front of some of my friends and they were surprized. We are a group of Hippie based people that are mostly very musical and they had no idea that I sang at all.

I think I'm finally finished chasing after people. I'm so sick of being let down cuz of it all.
I'm pretty sick of being there for people and then when I need them they are gone. It's sad that people are that way so often.

Speed of Sound

2005-06-12T21:22:00.000-07:00

Well, Today was good and bad all at the same time. Beach was great minus a mass amount of Mosquitos.
Last night I was there too and the Sunset was so pretty. It reminded of the sond Speed of Sound by Cold Play...Maybe it's the coloring in the vieo and the sunset that tied.
17 days till Jamie gets here. As far as I know it's still a go..but can still be cancelled. I don't know if anyone is going to come over with him or not.

I'll have to at least try and write tomorrow. I'm tired and need to sleep on so much.

Hey Mr.Tamberine man, play a song for me...

2005-06-09T21:12:00.000-07:00

I have the song Mr. Tamberine man stuck in my head. I have no clue where it came from but it just started playing.

Mr.Tambourine Man

Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Though I know that evenin's empire has returned into sand,Vanished from my hand,Left me blindly here to stand but still not sleeping.
My weariness amazes me, I'm branded on my feet,I have no one to meet And the ancient empty street's too dead for dreaming.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Take me on a trip upon your magic swirlin' ship,My senses have been stripped, my hands can't feel to grip,My toes too numb to step, wait only for my boot heels To be wanderin'.
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade Into my own parade, cast your dancing spell my way, I promise to go under it.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Though you might hear laughin', spinnin', swingin' madly across the sun, It's not aimed at anyone, it's just escapin' on the run
And but for the sky there are no fences facin'.
And if you hear vague traces of skippin' reels of rhyme To your tambourine in time, it's just a ragged clown behind, I wouldn't pay it any mind, it's just a shadow you're Seein' that he's chasing.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to
.Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.
Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind, Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves ,The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach, Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow.
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands,With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, Let me forget about today until tomorrow.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me,I'm not sleepy and there is no place I'm going to.
Hey! Mr. Tambourine Man, play a song for me, In the jingle jangle morning I'll come followin' you.

Man that song is amazing... I love Bob .....

Ocean's Island.....

2005-06-08T13:03:00.000-07:00

So.. This morning sucked... I was in a funk from the moment I woke up. I talked to a friend and even though they were trying to help, they made it worse. I slumped back into bed and watched a funny movie. It worked a bit. I was crying and laughing all at the same time... I think I'm feeling a fear that so far I have no reason to feel. I know it's still a possibility and I know that where it is coming from.

Man, I'm itching to go camping..... I need a break... I need complete relaxation...sit by the ocean... but no one is able to come with me... they have to work... other plans... I think I may go for a night by myself... just to get away....Maybe not... There is no one really around that area and I probably would be anxious going alone....

I need to work on not being so grumpy at people when it's not their fault.. I hate when I do it, cuz it is only afterwards that I realize just how much of a bitch I was being. lol God... I'm probably pmsing hardcore....

That's right! Move the light around...

2005-06-07T20:33:00.000-07:00

I wish people could read my thoughts at time's so that I don't have to say the evil things I think sometime's. That was a poorly put together sentence but I never excelled at grammar anyways.
A friend of mine had a very smart comment as his MSN name one day. It was something like:
"I wish you could turn up the intelligence on the TV. There is a nob for brightness but that doesn't seem to work." --Isn't that the Truth!!!
I'm suppose to go for coffee with a friend when I get off of work. Would it be so odd to go for coffee at 2:00 in the morning . I rather enjoy it.
So if you haven't figured it out yet I really have nothing to say this blog but I didn't want to ramble on the same way I have before.
I'm actually kinda surprised. I got to sit next to this guy that I've beside at work here a few time's and I got to talking with him and he's actually really cool. Not to mention absolutly beautiful. Tall, brown curly hair, and Hazel eyes... sweet....
Anyways, enough dreaminging for me...

Butterflies-a-buildin'

2005-06-06T20:45:00.000-07:00

So, I had a bit of a vacation and I'm back at work. I have less then an hour left cause we have been so busy.
As I type this I'm on a call and it sucks!!!!!!
So the days are inching closer to when I get to see Jamie again. In case the world doesn't know I met this guy online like 7 years ago and since he has become one of my most treasured friends. I love the man to death. I have only met him face to face twice though and I have to admit that it puts major butterflies in my stomach. I know that the one's I'm feeling now are going to be nothing close to what I feel when I am moments away from meeting him again. Once we get past the initial hello's I'll be calmer.
ok well I have 2 minute's left so I'm going to save this blog and add more when I get home..

What is to far???

2005-06-01T20:41:00.000-07:00

Wow... what busy night at work... I think I talked with half of Iowa tonight! lol
It's all good though cuz I have the next 4 days off and I won't have to speak with one customer!
Tonight has actually been really good cuz I get the next 4 days off! Woo hoo! I'm broke and I have to pee.. Man I'm ending this post before I go to far.

With the right lighting you can see the soul...

2005-05-31T14:51:00.000-07:00

So, I've been sitting here for about 30 seconds trying to think of something to write about. In my mind I know I could pick many a subject to speak of but none that I truly know factual information on. This leads me to think about how I tend to ignore anything going on in the world a lot of the time because I know it's all bad. I don't know much about the war in Iraq because I hate the though of war. I don't know a lot about poverty because I hate the though that so many people are dying all over the world due to lack of food, water and shelter. I all of a sudden feel like one of this majority of happy camper's that want to be happy so bad that they ignore the fact that the bad is there. I have no skills to help people. I'm nice and that's all there is. I have a strong aprciation for photography but all in all I'm no Ansel Adams or Chaz Peterson. People actually tend to run or hide when I have a camera, like it's going to poison them. That's really sad to me because I love seeing the character in a well done portrait.

I laughed the other day at a comment that was made to me by someone. They said that photography was the art for artists who can't do anything else. I was actually a little peeved at the comment as well, because I concider photograghy a highskill art. You have light, contrast, framing... not so easy things to master.
So perhaps, I should set my eyes on doing something real soon. School... ack I hate it. The thought really scares me cuz I suck at sitting still and studying. I think I have ADD. Photography I can study though. I love it. Don't care what they want me to do.
I'm going to think on this more.

And to the world there will be new life....

2005-05-30T15:23:00.000-07:00

My best friend asked me if I would go into the delivery room with her!!!!!!!!! I'm so excited...I don't know what to think!!! I'm just going to stay up by her head to give her support though... I don't want any graphics, I'll save those for some far off other day of my own.
I get to be the unofficial God Mother of this Kid and I get to be there when the first of it biggest days occurs!!!
I feel kind of bad though. She is still friends with the Babies father who is a friend of mine but they are not together. I feel kind of bad that she does not want him in there. I know he isn't pissed at me cause it's not my decision, but I know he must be disappointed. I would never do that but this is not my pregnancy.
Work is so slow tonight though. Thank God for American Holiday's, eh!!!

Wow! I had this depressing thought today. I was trying to think of thing to talk about to this certain person that is coming down to the Island, and nothing was coming to mind. It felt like I had nothing to ponder on, no insight into anything. I realized that even though I find many thing interesting, that I have no interest's. I felt so much like an airhead at that moment. It wasn't good. Still isn't. I need inspiration badly...hopefully this summer or this will be kind enough to give it to me.
I'm gonna add more to this later maybe, maybe not, ...depends if I'm feeling like a dumb blond again........

Don't open your mouth to much, all your thought's will fly out.

2005-05-28T21:12:00.000-07:00

I don't think today was a good day. I think I'm starting to realize stuff that I've a had people telling me for a while and it's pretty depressing. Can't move forward, can't go back. I think I feel more like a fool then anything. I'm gonna sleep good tomorrow, I can feel it.

Wow, I can't beleive how bored I am right now. I finally figured out with the help of a friend how to edit the freakin link's on the page. He showed me some cheats to html so hopefully with a little time and a better system soon I will be able to get into having an actual page of my own.

I suppose I have things to be happy about. I'm going to be able to see my neice in Sept. I haven't traveled in so long. Chicago will be fun.
One of my best friend's is due to have her baby any week now. Her due date is on the 15th of June. I'm actually very excited about that... new life... Lucky to not know just yet how shitty it can all be at time's.

I have tomorrow off... I think I'm going to stay in bed and watch movie's... Having one of those type of moment's... won't know till I wake up tomorrow.. I didn't get much sleep last night and coming into this last half hour of work my brain is going to gel.

Maybe I'll just stay up all night and all day and then have an early crash out tomorrow... well,,, nah that thought give's me the no feeling...

Well, It's 3:30 and I am out!

Bend Folds Piano

2005-05-27T20:02:00.000-07:00

I suppose I forgot to clarify who the amazing musician is as pointed out by an anonymous comment a few posts ago. The CD that I bought is by Ben Folds, The CD is Ben Folds Live, and the song is Army. Number 11 on the CD to be exact. Brick(#9) is also reallygood.. and the rest as well but I can't remeber all the name's of the song's yet. Rock this Bitch is cool as well (#unknown). I hope you get a chance to listen to it, it's an amazing song live in my opinion. This is the only work of his that I have heard so far. He has a new CD out right now-Songs for Silverman. I haven't heard it yet but it's next in my mind for music.

As for today, I do not want to be at work anymore.. Tired and I have to pee.... Like the whole internet communtiy needs to know that but I don't care.
Has anyone seen the cartoon Drawn Together? If your an adult check it out. It's very much an adult cartoon, with adult humour...a little wacked.. but hey, so am I at time's...lol

2hours and 24 minute's left till I get to go home! I hope it flies.

Quentin

2005-05-24T20:36:00.000-07:00

Well Last night I got to talk with an old friend that I haven't talked to in a very long time. He is suppose to be coming to the island for Canada day week to go camping. I really hope that he make's it. I took the whole week of to hang out with this guy. Hard to believe but I started talking to him when I was 16. 7 years later he is still one of my closest friends. If not the closest. I've never been able to talk to another person the same way as I could this guy. For that alone he is very special to me. He has no idea that I'm talking about him right now. Or that I have this blog. That's fine though, who care's. I have to plan this weekend soon. I think we are going camping at BloomingPoint Beach for a night or two. Better yet I'm going to make him. haha... Most georgeous beach ever... I love it...
Canada Day will just have to be a big drunk.. I already have that planned with Kan and a bunch of people. Planned is not really the best word.. Known is a better word...Not planned just known....haha
It's so late right now and I have still got 2 hours to go before work is done... This sucks... I think I'm going to try some yahoo game's for a while to kill the bordom.

The City Central

2005-05-23T11:53:00.000-07:00

I've been sitting in front of this page for way to long with nothing to say in here. I'm going to wait a bit and think a bit more on the day so far and the day ahead. This is not a good time. More later.

Ok well, It is Midnight as I wright this. 3.5 hours left of work. I had a long weekend the past few days, and it was a great time.
I wish things were more clear these days though. A lot of stuff I'm curious about is nothing but fog in the air. It's there but I can't seem to get ahold of it. I hate talking in cryptics but if I said anymore I'd be screwed.
:(

Been thinking a lot today.....

2005-05-19T13:03:00.000-07:00

I've got this song in my head... so bad I had to buy the CD. He reminds me of a friend of mine that is a musician. Such a clear powerful voice... Good for the head, that's for sure.
I saw my ex today. Very unplanned. I walk out of a store and here he is 3 feet away from me. I nearly died.. he's beautiful on the outside as always but no longer there on the inside.. to different for my head or heart...
Today is going slow compaired to some nights. I still can't get this song out of my head. I heard it last night at a friends house and it's been with me all night and all day...Been thinking a lot today... I wish I could put the piano that in my head right now on here..I'm a huge fan of Piano and Guitar so when I heard this guy I was honestly very shocked that I had not heard of him before, or well, heard more of his stuff.
So much in my head right now.... I don't know where to start... maybe I shouldn't then... yeah, I won't.

myscreaminglife- The Work Force

2005-05-17T13:06:00.000-07:00

So I'm at work again today. My aim for today is to get my call time's down. This is not going to be easily done. I have to put up with stupid people that can't follow instruction's. No offence to these people. I just feel that if you are going to call somewhere for help the you should pay close attention and not go your own path. Unless of course you know what's going on.

I gentleman that I work with shaved his head for his cousin who is getting treatment for cancer. This make's me think of a lot of things because I lost my father to Lukemia in 2001. I miss him so much. He was the boss of the family and we are all still a bit lost without him. He was the one that you went to when you had a question, needed to talk, or just wanted a hug. I wish he could have seen his grandchildren. He would have loved my neice. She is absolutly beautiful and he would have been glowing whenever he saw her. So much changed without him. He was the glue that held a lot of people together. Since his passing he has been honored for all the work he did do while he was here and it sad that he couldn't be there to know that it was all appreciated so much by his college's. I have to end this before I get to depressed. My post again later tonight.

Finishing later today....

2005-05-15T21:25:00.000-07:00

So I'm still at work, even though right now is going to be listed as a different day.
It is coming to the end of my shift and I get to pick up my computer. I'm so excited. I'm hoping that it doesn't run quite as much like the piece of crap that it was before. I need a computer that is functional so that I can move forward.

Well I saw my computer and I beleive even more then I did before that it sucks ass.
I should just dump it and get a laptop... I nice Toshiba ..... ohh that would be pretty..... haha yeah, pretty expensive..... either way I have more important things to think about. I got my vacation planning package for San Diego today. I can't wait to see my neice and new neice/nephew. I told my sister that the only thing that I really want to do when I go there is to go to the animal parks. If I lived in a big city I would be at the zoo every week! Our little Island does not have a zoo (sniff). I also want to go to Seaworld and the wild animal park... I hope Olivia will be up for a trip like that. I think she would love something like that almost as much as I am going to!

I'm hoping that I get tomorrow off. I want to go to Open Mic so bad tomorrow! I haven't seen any of my friends play in weeks. I slept all day today. I don't know what it was... One of those days where you just would rather sleep then get outside. It's a gross day today anyways. It's raining right now and the sky is very grey.... Not very good wake up and seize the day type weather.
More like stay under my duvey and be warm and cozy in dreamland type weather. I did something to my arm though... I think I slept on it the wrong way.. If I try and make it good and straight it's sore at the elbow...
OK I'm going to stop talking now so I can go on lunch.... may be back later...don't know

Oh my God this is so cute!

2005-05-15T15:41:00.000-07:00

http://www.clean-your-screen-for-free-now.com/

mysreaminglife- The Drunk

2005-05-15T13:27:00.000-07:00

So I learned a lesson last night. Never tell a thought or secret to anyone who is drunk, love's to talk or is a 'social butterfly' -Or in this case all three. I let one little thought from the back of my head come out in a slightly drunken confession chat and they go and let it all out... All of it... All over the place...Everywhere... to the one person that did not need to know. Perhaps I'm exagerating this a wee bit, but in my head this is what it's feeling like. I have to ask what happened to that promise that I was going to drop all the drama from my life. I suppose if that happened that I would be living in a Smallville movie. Black and white is classic... Classic is good...In a save the kitten out of the tree type way.
Speaking of kittens. I just had a friend send me this link that is so cute! I'm going to post it in a seperate blog though.
Anyways, so yeah. I'm in a weird state. I wish I could just write and write.. I'm in a writing mood right now. Rightie-o! God I'm a geek! This is just turning into mumbo-jumbo. Right-on. (More of me being a geek if before was not enough) But all in all last night was a good one. I didn't get sick (I walk a fine line being able to get drunk without the unfortunate add on's) I didn't get the spins..Which is ten time's worse then getting sick. This morning a coffee and a smoke fixed me. I just realized I haven't eaten yet today. Ah well, the time will come.
As much as I wanted to write, I think I may have to kill this blog and start a new one. Not the blog, a new post. My bad. K here it goes.......

myscreaminglife- The Faith Border

2005-05-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

Well, my ex just called me.. I'm at work so I told him I'd call on my break. I'm nervous because we haven't talked in a couple months. Maybe he got over his little Jehova spell... I hope he came back to earth.
Don't get me wrong if anyone is reading this. I have spirtuality.. but I do not have the obsession that came over him. It took away everything that I knew about him.
So I just talked to him and he is still the same. His best friend even had to break up with his GF because she did not want to give up her faith. I think it is so stupid and unfair that they expected us to give up everything we beleive in just so that we are respecting their beleifs. What a crock of shit!!!!!!!!!! Where is ther respect of our traditions??????
I still miss him though, and I wish I could find someone that was as great as he was but it's not going to happen for a while. I keep thinking that every man I meet is not going to be stable and will flake off in some similiar manner. In the end it plain old does not seem worth it.
It's not like a can deny that I miss him, but I'm not about to live through a life that make's me unhappy, just because at one point I was happy with them.

myscreaminglife- The Realization

2005-05-12T13:31:00.000-07:00

So I think I figured out the question that has been on my mind lately. Unfortunatly, since this all needs to stay in my head I'm not able to devulge the question. Even more unfortunate is that the answer to it is no.
Move on, go forward. Don't look back.

With that said I am starting the duration of another 8.5 hours at work. I'm hoping it will be a good night for me as I want to quit smoking and keep it that way. What was I thinking when I started? To be cool, spitful of parents, to have a rep as a mild mannered deviant? I'm sick of the person I use to be. I have this dream of what life should be like and I know it is out there but I can't seem to configure my life around these amazing things. Why is that? Why should you have to configure life? What is life? Where is it going? Do you write your on destiny? Or is it fate? Cause and effect, someone once explained to me years ago. I miss talking to that person so much. Perhaps we'll have a day sometime soon. They were very, I don't know what the word is. Insperational. I'm pretty positive that I spelt that word wrong. All those Grade 4 spelling tests sure are not helping me now.
Another phrase that I'm trying to get my grip around is that 'Time Flys'. I think I understand this one now, do to having it forced upon me without notice for many year's before I was able to take notice and try to slow it. I'm going to slow it down though. Clear cut everything mentally that is not needed, or better not wanted. Anyways, this rant is odd enough as it is .. I may add more later tonight but for now I'm going to free up this page.

************************************************************************************
Take a chance, make a stand, or it will fade away....

I find it funny that I put this as my little header for this page... as in Vertigo I clearly stated that I swerve to the right of and difficult situations... As I've said to myself so many time's about other people, 'You've got issues girl!'

Vertigo

2005-05-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

I so do not want to be at work right now. First time in a long time that I'm not working some slave job for the summer and I still want to leave. I'm hungry, and tired.. I think I have an internal grumpiness right at the moment. Very unhappy, but not so bad that I feel the urge to take it out on someone else. I hate when I do that because I know it's not their fault.

I think that to many things are just going in circle's, and with cirle's you get vertigo, which in turn is very much the opposite of balanced.
Haha Maybe it's just my headcold though...
A lot of things right now are a bit confusing.. I think the sooner I hit clarity with them I can move on. How to get clarity is a bit scary though... I'm bad at gaining clarity... tend it get close and then just swerve (sp) to the right and go on by. Let's just leave the cloud of fog behind, huh? Much easier....not very great though.

Aches and Pains....

2005-05-08T15:04:00.000-07:00

Today I feel sick.. My throat is on it's way to being raw. I hate it when I get this cold in the spring, and with no fail, it happens evey year.
Hung out with Chris, today and had coffee. Andra left for her trip to Europe last night so he has an awesome place to himself for a month. I'm so jealous, it is a gorgeous apt.
Not many place's like that in town. I want a loft apt.. Tall ceilings, massive support beams and big windows with a view. An open kitchen, nothing massivly special but not rotting and gross. Lots of plants....huge floor rug...Have to have like one plant as a tree.. Big bushy umbrella tree! Easy lighting... lots of wood? or lots of wicker? Metal is so cold... I hate the cold. Although in stylish ways it can looks very sharp. I'm not a sharp person though, more neutrals..
Ceiling fan??? Yeah, one over the couch and two end chairs. Hard wood floors...Dark wood....An area for painting or for my photograpghy if I ever get to do a portrait again... lol I just stated that I wasn't sharp and didn't catch on to it till I read it for the third time over.
Ah well, my little day dream there... nice while it lasted... I forgot a bedroom... well It would have to be large enough have an area for a bedroom. How to do it though?? Hanging wall pieces??? Curtains??? Out in the open??? And a bathroommm. Nothing special about a bathroom as long as it had deep bathtub and a shower... and working plumbing...lol...
OK, I'm going to kill this dream before it make's me to depressed....although I think it may already be to late....

Down, down day...

2005-05-06T14:57:00.000-07:00

Today it is so nice out and typically I would have spent the entire day outside but I had no one to spend it with. Everyone was in their own little coccoon today. I hate not having money. I hate not being able to manage my money. I suck at it. Plain and simple.
Watching Oprah today I realized that I am a hoard. I pack shit away and never touch it again. I have stuff in my room that I have had since I was in grade 5. I wish I was able to just throw it all away but with our waste watch you can't do that. You have to sort and empty and wash everything out. Pain in the ass, that's what that is.
Which makes me feel like I am lazy. In a way I am. How would I ever take care of a household. It would be unsafe to live in within the first week!
I'm going to leave this for now... I'm hoping to have a better evening then morning, but it will be doubtful...... unless....

Beaches and the art of photography

2005-05-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

Wow..!! Today was an amazing day. Chris and I went for coffee today and ended up taking picture's all afternoon. We went to three different beaches, which was beautiful. The first one was by a little tree nursery. We were watching the fisherman and I was able to see my house and over home from across the river. I got a lot of wicked picture's for sure.. I have to get back into my photography.. It was just a great day. Very relaxing.
More to add later about this trip.
May4th, 2004
Ok so here I am back again to finish the rest of this little daytime vacation story. After the first beach it was coffee time again and so it was off to Tim's. We drove by Snob Hill and were looking at the pretty house's. One looked like a mini castle, it was so massive.
We then went to this park off of Snob Hill and Hit the shore there too. Nice but not very scenic.
We stayed there for about 30 min and then went to Tim's for bathroom break. Us girls are not so lucky with the running behind a bush thing. After that we headed up to his sister's place and went to the beach behind her house. Beautiful.. There were huge tree's in group and when you went into the woods, there was a little open area to sit.. I love photgraphing tree with no leaves.. odd I know but I love the contrast they give. We spent a good 3 hours there, which was very relaxing. Unfortunatly life is not as relaxing as it should always be and I had to go to work...which unfortunalty is where I am now. :P Yuck! Anyways, Later that night we ended up going for coffee again at like 2:30 in the morning and we chatted till 4am. Such a cool day.. hopefully tomorrow will be as great but I'll have to find out before I say anymore.

-Sarah

My little bitch session...

2005-04-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

I have to wonder why so many ordinary people are so judgemental of people that are in the public eye. It's like everyone deserves the right to say whether someone else's hard work was worth it all and whether they deserve any credit. I think that credit should be given where it is deserved. Whether it is something that you personally enjoy or not. I mean, who ever criticize's a critic?? If I personally do not enjoy the work of someone else, I'm not going to trash them about it.
Anyways, I'm going to give this rant up. My bitching is not going to make other people do anything. Lead by example. It's a good phrase.

Train Songs

2005-04-18T18:25:00.000-07:00

Music to my ears... I just got the New NIN and I don't know if I can wait till the end of work to be able to listen to it. I have been waiting for a long while for this to come out. I really love the Hand that feeds. Damit I love NIN altogether! lol
As to explain my title, I have some great friends that are amazing musicians and they have only recently joined together, performing songs by none other then Nick Teter. These guys are amazing. I don't know how to explain their music, but damn they play an awesome Train song...
It makes you want to runaway.. on a train....woo-hoo!

The road less taken?? Where the hell is it???

2005-04-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

OK well, I have to say that things lately have been going down the same old road. The classic question I'd have to ask is where is all this going? Is it actually taking me somewhere?
I'm so frustrated by this I don't even want to write about it. What a brain fart.
I'm going to be stuck home alone tonight so I can be as loud as I want. Whoo-Hoo... No one to keep quiet for and no one to want to do something else. There is nothing like having your own house, even if it is for a night.

Too funny....

2005-03-28T20:33:00.000-08:00

http://www.unleadedjokes.com/html/Super-Heros.html

And the mindlessness marches on....

2005-03-28T19:41:00.000-08:00

Not a lot to talk about. Have no one in my life that is aside for me only. Same old same old...
I want to just go home and veg infront of mindless television right now... blah...

Shall remain nameless.....

2005-03-23T21:25:00.000-08:00

So here it is. I have fallen for an older man. I don't understand why, perhaps it because he is smart, cute, funny and not a lazy ass. He has a sence of humour that is similiar to mine and I don't feel like I have to hide that from him.
He has a good head start though and he has a girlfriend. I think he has a child as well... I don't know... I suppose this is what the word crush is for, huh? To want but to not know. How come I can't find a guy that is like that and single. I really don't care about the whole being older thing. I think at most he is only 8 or 9 year's ahead. In adult hood I don't see that as a bad time frame. Sure if I was 13 and he was in his 20's it'd be a little sick.. I don't know... I have a crush...

Forgiving...

2005-03-22T21:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I broke down (mind you I was a little under the influence) and I called a friend that I had been fighting with and I told her that I missed her and that I didn't want to fight anymore. I was very relieved after I left that message to her calling me back and saying she had missed me too. We made plans for coffee the next day and followed through with them. It was good to catch up with her and to know that she was doing good (She is expecting). I do not regret having the time apart, because as a result as I have written in the past, I got to meet a lot of people that otherwise I may not have had a chance to know.
My night is coming to an end so I'm going to end this. Night.

Actions

2005-03-18T22:11:00.000-08:00

Thinking about a lot of stuff lately, I have got to say that I have met a lot of new and very interesting people. Some of which I think will end up being friends for years to come. I have to wonder why I think that, since the friends I had before hurt me. These were people that I really trusted. Am I to trusting? Is the proper word gullable?? I trust to much. I'm a cancer through and through. To loyal and to trusting, therefor when someone that is not trusting and loyal acts like themselves, it hurts. I seriouly need to adjust myself in a more adult way. I need to be more strict and disaplined in who I hold close. This is going to take a lot of work...uck!

-Sarah